Am I Imagining This? My Personal Journey Through Medical Gaslighting

I spent most of my life wondering if I was losing my mind.

Not in the dramatic, cinematic way. In the quiet, insidious way that happens when every doctor you see tells you there’s nothing wrong, while your body is literally falling apart.

When you can’t lift your arms above your head without trembling. When brain fog is so thick you forget your own postcode. When your heart races to 140bpm just from standing up. And everyone, everyone, keeps saying: “It’s just anxiety.”

Eventually, you start to believe them. You start to think maybe you are imagining it all.

This is the story of my medical gaslighting journey. And if you’ve ever questioned whether your symptoms are “real enough” to deserve medical attention, this one’s for you.

When Your Body Becomes a Stranger

It started slowly. A bit of dizziness here. Some fatigue there. The kind of thing you brush off as “just being tired” or “needing more sleep.”

Then it escalated.

Suddenly, I couldn’t regulate my body temperature. Heat became my enemy, a hot shower, a warm day, even sitting in direct sunlight would trigger these horrific flares. My skin would burn. My vision would blur. I’d feel like I was going to pass out.

The brain fog was relentless. I’d stand in the kitchen, staring at the kettle, unable to remember what I was doing there. I’d lose words mid-sentence. Forget appointments. Miss entire chunks of conversation.

And the physical weakness? I couldn’t lift my arms to wash my hair some days. I’d need to rest after walking from the bedroom to the lounge. My legs would give out without warning.

But here’s the thing, I looked fine. And that became the most dangerous part of my story, the medical gaslighting journey.

“Have You Tried Just Relaxing?”

My first GP appointment went like this:

Me: “I’m experiencing severe fatigue, dizziness when I stand, and my heart rate spikes randomly.”

Doctor: “Sounds like anxiety. Have you been stressed lately?”

Me: “Well, yes, but, “

Doctor: “There you go. Try some meditation. Maybe cut back on caffeine.”

I walked out with a pamphlet about mindfulness and a growing sense that I was wasting everyone’s time.

The second doctor said the same thing. The third suggested it was hormones. The fourth implied I was just out of shape and needed to exercise more (spoiler: exercise made everything catastrophically worse).

Nobody ordered tests. Nobody took my symptoms seriously. And slowly, I started to shrink myself in those appointments.

I stopped mentioning the worst symptoms. I downplayed how bad things were. I apologised for “bothering” them.

Because when enough medical professionals tell you it’s all in your head, you start to believe your body is betraying you in ways that aren’t even real.

The Gaslighting Checklist I Wish I’d Had

Looking back, I was experiencing textbook medical gaslighting. Here’s what that looked like:

• My symptoms were consistently blamed on stress, anxiety, or “just being a woman”
• I was interrupted every time I tried to describe what was happening
• My requests for specific tests were dismissed without explanation
• I was told I was “too young” to have anything seriously wrong
• Doctors implied I was being dramatic or attention-seeking
• I left every appointment feeling smaller, more confused, and deeply ashamed

The emotional damage was almost worse than the physical symptoms.

I stopped trusting myself. I questioned every sensation in my body. Was that chest pain real or was I being dramatic? Was the weakness legitimate or was I just lazy?

Medical gaslighting doesn’t just dismiss your symptoms, it teaches you to dismiss yourself.

When Survival Mode Is Your Baseline

Here’s what nobody tells you about living with undiagnosed chronic illness: you get really good at surviving.

You learn to push through. To minimise. To perform “normal” even when your body is screaming.

I became a master at managing flares in secret. At hiding how bad things were. At cancelling plans last-minute with vague excuses because “I can’t stand up without my heart rate going haywire” sounds too dramatic to be believable.

But here’s the cruel irony: when you’re constantly in survival mode, there’s no space for joy. No space for healing. No space for anything except making it through the next hour.

I forgot what it felt like to exist without constantly monitoring my body. To make plans without the caveat of “if I’m feeling okay.” To trust that my legs would hold me up or my brain would work properly.

The post-survival phase, the bit where you’re supposed to find joy again, felt impossible because I didn’t know how to exist outside of crisis mode.

The Turning Point of my Medical Gaslighting Journey: Finding a Doctor Who Listened

After most of my life of being dismissed, I found a GP who changed everything.

She didn’t interrupt me. She didn’t blame anxiety. She actually listened to my full list of symptoms, all of them, not just the “acceptable” ones.

And then she said something I’ll never forget: “This isn’t normal. Let’s figure out what’s actually going on.”

She ordered tests. She referred me to specialists. She validated that what I was experiencing was real, measurable, and deserving of proper medical investigation.

The diagnoses came one after another:

Functional Neurological Disorder (FND) , explaining the weakness, the tremors, the way my body would just stop cooperating. To learn more about FND click here.

Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) , explaining the dizziness, the heart rate spikes, why standing felt like running a marathon. To learn more about POTS click here.

Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) , explaining the heat intolerance, the skin reactions, the feeling like my body was constantly under attack. To learn more about MCAS click here.

Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS) , explaining the joint pain, the hypermobility, why my body felt like it was held together with sticky tape. To learn more about EDS click here.

Autism (ASD) , explaining why certain sensory overloads, social exhaustion, and lifelong “why does everything feel so much?” moments finally had context. To learn more about ASD click here.

Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) , explaining the scattered focus, the burnout cycle, and why “just be more organised” was never going to cut it. To learn more about ADHD click here.

Suddenly, everything made sense.

The Validation I Didn’t Know I Needed

Getting those diagnoses didn’t fix me. But damn, it fixed something fundamental in my relationship with my own body.

I wasn’t imagining it. I wasn’t being dramatic. I wasn’t “just anxious.”

My symptoms had names. Explanations. Evidence.

The grief was unexpected, though. Grief for the years I spent questioning my reality. Grief for all the times I pushed myself beyond my limits because I thought I was just being weak. Grief for the version of myself who apologised for taking up space in a doctor’s office.

But alongside that grief came something powerful: permission to stop fighting myself.

I could finally stop trying to prove I was sick enough. Stop minimising my symptoms to make others comfortable. Stop performing wellness when I felt like shit.

The validation of a proper diagnosis gave me back something medical gaslighting had stolen: trust in my own experience.

What I Wish Someone Had Told Me

If you’re in the thick of it right now, seeing doctor after doctor, questioning whether you’re imagining your symptoms, feeling like you’re going mad, here’s what I wish someone had told me:

Your symptoms don’t need to be rare or dramatic to be valid. Even if they seem “vague” or “inconsistent,” they’re still real.

It’s not your job to convince doctors you’re sick. It’s their job to investigate your concerns properly.

Medical gaslighting is about power, not truth. When a doctor dismisses you, it says more about them than it does about the validity of your experience.

You’re allowed to seek second, third, and fourth opinions. You’re allowed to change doctors. You’re allowed to advocate for yourself even when it feels uncomfortable.

Keep records. I started documenting symptoms in a journal, dates, severity, triggers, what made them better or worse. Having written evidence helped when I finally found a doctor who listened.

Trust your body. Even when everyone else is telling you it’s fine, if something feels wrong, it probably is.

Resources That Actually Help

If you suspect you’re experiencing medical gaslighting, I’ve created a post that breaks down the most common examples and what to do about them. Read Am I Imagining This? 7 Medical Gaslighting Examples and How to Handle Them to help you recognise the patterns and advocate for yourself more effectively.

You can also check out my About page to learn more about my journey with chronic illness and how I’m learning to exist in this body without constantly fighting it.

The Truth About “Recovery”

I’m not going to end this with some inspirational bullshit about how everything happens for a reason or how this journey made me stronger.

Medical gaslighting was traumatic. Living with undiagnosed chronic illness was traumatic. The years I spent questioning my reality left scars that proper diagnoses can’t fully erase.

But here’s what I can say: getting validation changed everything. Not because it fixed my body, but because it fixed my relationship with myself.

I’m learning to exist outside of survival mode. To trust my body’s signals again. To take up space without apologising. To rest without guilt.

Some days are still shit. Some days I can barely function. But I no longer question whether I’m “sick enough” to deserve care, rest, or compassion.

And that’s worth fighting for.

You’re Not Imagining It

If you’re reading this and seeing yourself in my story, please hear this: you’re not imagining it. You’re not being dramatic. You’re not wasting anyone’s time.

Your symptoms are real. Your experience is valid. And you deserve medical care that treats you like a whole human being, not a collection of anxiety symptoms.

Keep advocating for yourself. Keep seeking doctors who listen. Keep trusting your body, even when everyone else tells you not to.

You deserve answers. You deserve treatment. You deserve to be believed.

And most importantly: you deserve to stop questioning whether you’re worthy of medical care.

You are. Full stop.

If this hits you hard….

You’re exactly who I write for. You don’t have to grieve this alone.

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Briony Bianca

I’m Briony – the woman behind She Shines Abundance. I’ve lived through trauma, chronic illness, and a lifetime of being misunderstood. Now, I’m here to turn my pain into purpose. This space is for women who feel unseen, exhausted, or broken but still want to heal, grow, and find light again – in real, imperfect ways. Around here, we don’t fake positivity. We do honesty, healing, and small steps that actually make life better.