When you’re flared up, exhausted, or running on fumes, the idea of “finding joy” feels like someone telling you to just smile more. It’s not that simple when your body is screaming, your brain is foggy, and getting off the couch feels like climbing Everest.
But here’s what I’ve learned after years of navigating chronic illness and trauma recovery: joy doesn’t have to be big, loud, or require energy you don’t have. Sometimes joy is just a moment where you feel a little less like a burden and a little more like yourself. A tiny pocket of peace. A small reminder that you’re still in there, underneath all the pain and exhaustion.
This isn’t about toxic positivity or “finding the silver lining.” This is about spoonie joy, the kind that’s gentle, achievable, and doesn’t require you to perform for anyone. These are the small things that have helped me remember I’m still human, even on the days when I feel like a shell.
Disclaimer: This post contains links to products I believe to be useful to the reader, from which I may earn a small commission, at no extra cost to the reader.
What Is ‘Spoonie Joy’ Anyway?
If you’re new to the term “spoonie,” it comes from Spoon Theory: a way of explaining that those of us with chronic illness, chronic pain, or disability have limited energy (spoons) each day. When you run out of spoons, you’re done. There’s no pushing through without consequences.
Spoonie joy is joy that respects your limits. It’s not about forcing yourself to “be grateful” or “think positive.” It’s about noticing the tiny things that feel good when everything else feels heavy. It’s permission to find comfort in the smallest moments without guilt.
So here’s my spoonie joy list. Ten small, low-energy ways to feel like a human again: especially when your body is making that really damn hard.
1. Your One Perfect Mug
There’s something about having that mug. You know the one. It fits your hand just right. The weight feels grounding. Maybe it’s oversized so you can wrap both hands around it. Maybe it has a saying that makes you smile, or it’s plain and simple and just feels like yours.
Why it helps: When you’re disconnected from your body or feeling like you’re just existing, something as small as holding a warm mug can anchor you. The warmth on your palms. The steam on your face. It’s sensory grounding without effort.
I have a large ceramic mug that my ex-husband bought me, and on really bad days, just making hot chocolate in that mug feels like a tiny ritual of care. It doesn’t fix anything, but it reminds me that I still deserve comfort.
2. Fairy Lights or Low Lighting
Overhead lights when you’re flared up? Absolutely not. They’re harsh, glaring, and make everything feel clinical. But fairy lights? Fairy lights are magic.
Why it helps: Low, warm lighting is gentle on overstimulated nervous systems. If you’re dealing with sensory overload, migraines, or just general exhaustion, soft lighting creates a cocoon. It tells your body: ‘You’re safe. You can rest here.‘
I keep battery-operated lights near my bed my kids beds and the couch. On days when I can’t handle bright light, I turn everything else off and just exist in that soft glow. It instantly makes the space feel less like “sick person surviving” and more like “human being resting.”
3. A Weighted Blanket (or Just the Heaviest Blanket You Own)
If you haven’t tried a weighted blanket yet, this is your sign. If you can’t afford one, grab the heaviest, cosiest blanket you own and pile it on.
Why it helps: Deep pressure stimulation calms the nervous system. It’s like a full-body hug when you don’t have the energy to ask for one. For trauma survivors especially, weighted blankets can help with that “floating” or “disconnected” feeling.
My son, who has ASD has a weighted blanket for him to use at school. When he is feeling overstimulated he grabs the blanket and pulls it up over his face, rolls into a ball and stays like that for about 5 minutes until he has calmed down. Sometimes he falls asleep, sometimes he just likes the feeling of being held, all I know is that it definitely works.
4. A Comfort Playlist That Actually Matches Your Mood
Not a “healing” playlist. Not an “uplifting” playlist. A playlist that meets you exactly where you are.
Why it helps: Music that validates how you feel is more comforting than music that tells you to feel differently. If you’re sad, listen to sad music. If you’re angry, listen to angry music. Let yourself feel without trying to fix it.
I have different playlists for different types of hard days:
- “Too Tired to Exist” (old school 80’s love ballads)
- “Angry at My Body” (heavy metal or hip-hop)
- “Soft and Safe” (meditations – I particularly like the meditations from Binaural Beats Meditations)
You don’t have to create the perfect playlist right now. Just save a few songs that feel like they get it, and start there.
5. Audiobooks or Gentle Podcasts
Sometimes your brain is too foggy to read, but you still want to escape for a bit. That’s where audiobooks and podcasts come in.
Why it helps: They give your mind something to focus on without requiring physical energy. You can close your eyes, rest your body, and still feel like you’re “doing something.” It quiets the guilt of “wasting the day.”
I love re-reading my favourite books I’ve already read or finding podcasts that feel like a conversation with a friend. Nothing too intense. Just something that makes the time pass a little easier.
6. Unmasking at Home (AKA: Full Permission to Be ‘Off Duty’)
If you’re neurodivergent, chronically ill, or both, you know what masking is. It’s the performance of being “fine” when you’re absolutely not. And it’s exhausting.
Why it helps: Letting yourself unmask: wearing the softest clothes, not brushing your hair, not answering texts, not pretending: gives your nervous system permission to stop working so hard. It’s rest on a cellular level.
I have “unmask days” where I don’t leave the house, don’t get dressed, and don’t perform for anyone: including myself. I don’t have to be “productive” or “positive.” I just get to be. And honestly? Those days are often when I feel most like myself.
7. Watching Bird Feeders (or Any Window to Nature)
If you can’t get outside, bring the outside to you. A bird feeder outside your window. A view of trees. Even just opening the curtains and watching clouds move.
Why it helps: Nature is regulating, even when you’re just observing it. Watching birds flit around, noticing the way light changes throughout the day: it reminds you that life is still happening, even when yours feels paused.
I set up a cheap bird feeder outside my bedroom window, and I can’t tell you how much joy it brings me to watch the little guys come and go. I get to watch ducks bring their new ducklings around and it makes my day. Some days, that’s the only thing that feels good.
8. Soft Textures Everywhere
Fleece pyjamas. A velvet cushion. A fluffy blanket. A stuffed animal you’re “too old for” but honestly, who cares?
Why it helps: Touch is grounding. Soft textures feel safe. When you’re in pain or disconnected from your body, surrounding yourself with things that feel good to touch can be quietly soothing.
I keep a super-soft throw blanket on my bed specifically for bad days. Sometimes I just run my hand over it repeatedly. It sounds small, but it genuinely helps.
9. The ‘Do Absolutely Nothing’ Window
This one is permission-based. Give yourself a window of time: 20 minutes, an hour, whatever: where you are allowed to do absolutely nothing. No phone. No TV. No guilt. Just… existing.
Why it helps: Our culture tells us rest is lazy. It’s not. Rest is radical, especially when your body is demanding it. A “do nothing” window trains your brain that it’s okay to just be. You don’t have to earn your existence.
I do this most afternoons. I lie on my bed and just stare at the ceiling or close my eyes. No agenda. No expectation. It’s the most restorative thing I do all week.
10. One Ridiculously Indulgent Snack
Not the “healthy” snack. The one that tastes like childhood or feels like a tiny celebration. A specific chocolate bar. A particular flavour of chips. That one pastry from the bakery.
Why it helps: Pleasure matters. Especially when everything else is hard. Letting yourself have something that tastes good without justifying it is an act of self-compassion.
For me, it’s hot chocolate made with lactose free full-cream milk (none of this almond milk nonsense). On really tough days, I make it, sit with it, and savour every sip. It doesn’t fix the pain, but it reminds me that I still deserve good things. And if I have had a good day I try to make some chocolate fudge bars to go with my hot chocolate.
Small Joy Is Still Joy
Here’s the truth most people won’t tell you: You don’t have to feel grateful for your struggle to deserve moments of comfort. You don’t have to “make the best of it” or find the lesson. You’re allowed to just… feel a little bit better for five minutes.
These tiny acts of spoonie joy aren’t going to cure anything. They’re not going to make the pain disappear or give you your life back. But they might make today a little more bearable. They might remind you that you’re still you underneath all of this.
And on the days when even these small things feel too hard? That’s okay too. You’re not failing. You’re surviving. And that’s enough.
One More Tool for Your Gentle Toolkit
If you’re looking for other small, achievable ways to support your nervous system when everything feels too much, my 60 Second Nervous System Reset Cards are designed exactly for that. They’re tiny practices: under a minute each: that you can do from your couch, your bed, or wherever you are. No pressure. No performance. Just gentle resets for hard days.
Because you deserve tools that meet you where you are, not where you “should” be.
You’re not broken. You’re not too much. You’re surviving something really damn hard, and finding small pockets of joy along the way? That’s not weakness. That’s strength.
If this hits you hard….
You’re exactly who I write for. You don’t have to grieve this alone.
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